If you subscribe to The Whole Dog Journal, you will see this month’s March 2018 edition with the article: “Kidding Around, Combining kids and dogs in your family can be magical and heartwarming, or cause a devastating tragedy…”
If you don’t subscribe to WDJ, I highly recommend you do, and not just for this article, there is so much more. At least a half a dozen times a month I recommend WDJ to new dog families and even established dog families for the journal’s ongoing commitment to information on training, behavior, health, various products from harnesses to toys, and the annual food guides are invaluable.
Pinball was the most put out by the new baby. He had been the baby before Indy arrived and at eighteen months, Pinball was in a critical behavioral/fear period. Wherever I was, Pinball wanted to be there, too, which often left him lying on the other side of a baby gate, watching us with a kind of hopefulness. Even though he was a fairly aggressive resource guarder, we had made great strides in counter-conditioning that behavior. But when faced with the abundance of baby toys, he just couldn’t resist stealing them. We were left with the seemingly constant task of buying back stolen toys with a treat or different toy while carrying an infant on one hip. At the time, I wondered if his increased stealing was a grab for attention (good or bad, he didn’t care), but in hindsight I realized it was his way of dealing with increased anxiety that he was having a hard time processing.
Chapter 4 – Balancing— Pack and Sleep
Sometimes leave it and drop it are enough, but in the case of a dog like Pinball it can require another couple of levels of training and management. Although his first bite at four months drew no blood, it still qualified as a level two bite on the Dunbar bite scale and identified Pinball as an extreme resource guarder.
» If your voice gets tense or you say, “What do you have?” or “Oh, no, not my expensive such-and-such” with stress or anger in your voice, extreme resource guarders dig in and either run with the object, swallow it, or hold their ground with full display of teeth, growling, and preemptive snapping. Maintaining an attitude of “I don’t care; it’s all a game” is essential to overcoming this level of resource guarding. One day, I saw Pinball with the pair of scissors in his mouth. “Oh, I hope you’re not planning to run like that,” I said in a happy tone, and then moved away from him to get my phone to take a picture. I then asked him to drop it, returning to him with the treats once he had dropped it. The picture taking is not necessary, but it was a great picture. If I had panicked, he might have bitten me, not dropped the scissors, or tried to swallow them. The “I don’t care” rule saved us both that day.
» When originally teaching Pinball to drop items, I was using the technique of tossing treats on the floor as I said drop it and then picking up the item once he went to get the treats. This has to be done with a happy tone and calm demeanor. Never race the dog to get to the object you want to recover; that could incite the dog to double back.
» For moderate guarders, I recommend building an easy tug game with well-defined boundaries and rules so your dog can learn that letting go of something can be a fun game.
Here are simple rules for the tug game:
Start the game with a word like “tug” or “take it.”
Keep even pressure on the tug toy so the dog can’t move up the toy with her mouth.
If the dog uses you for leverage with her paws braced against you or her teeth hit you at any point, end the game by dropping the toy and walking away. Use only one or two toys to play this game—never use the leash or clothing.
» If you have a resource-guarding dog, please seek out advice from a professional who has dealt with your dog’s level of guarding through positive reinforcement and who has an understanding of the emotions involved.
Growling is a warning dogs give. It allows us as parents to manage the situation so our dogs and kids can live safely together. Here are some tips.
Your dog has growled. Now what?
The first thing is to use a preconditioned escape route to get the dog out, or employ one of the increase distance commands like go sniff, touch, or come to put space between your dog and your child.
Secure the dog in another room, behind a gate, or in a crate.
Take a breath and console your child if need be.
Assess. Your dog growling at your child is a wake-up call that lets let you know your dog has a problem with some- thing. It is time to figure out what that is and ask if it can be safely fixed.
Here are a few questions to help determine what made your dog growl.
» Is your baby new to the home and a totally new experience for your dog? » Was your child reaching for your dog when the dog was asleep? » Could your dog be in pain because of a long hike, a misstep when jumping, age, or other factors?
It is easy for us not to be aware when our dogs are in pain. Typically, we become aware of their pain only when it is so bad that it inhibits their movement, like limping, or they begin to vocalize, like whining. At that point, they are in a great deal of pain.
» Was your toddler chasing the dog into a corner where he felt trapped? » Was the child simply petting the dog and then the petting turned into fur grabbing, ear tugging, pinching, or eye poking? » Was your child trying to hug or hugging your dog?
Dogs are not comfortable with most people hugging them. The act of putting front legs around another dog and holding
on is not a polite or safe thing to do in the dog’s world, so when a human does it, it is pretty scary for them. Many dogs get used to it from their favorite person but not the “outsiders” in their lives, and until your child has earned your dog’s trust, he or she will be one of the outsiders.
» Did your dog have a bone or another resource and thought the child was too close?
Once we know what caused the dog to growl, we can begin to manage future situations. In some cases, that means teaching the child what is appropriate to do around and to the dog. In other cases, it will mean managing the dog so he is in another room when your child is in a more rambunctious play mood or when your dog has a resource that is important to him. And sometimes, it will be desensitizing and counter-conditioning the dog to the child because your dog is afraid of or doesn’t like kids.
“But I want my toddler to be able to do anything to the dog,” is like saying, “I want my toddler to play safely in the street without my having to worry about cars.”
A study by the Institute of Transportation Engineers has shown us that children develop adult skills slowly and not all at once. A young child who seems mature and tells you that he or she understands to look both ways will still not be able to safely judge the gaps between cars or the actual distance of a vehicle. I am waiting and hoping for similar research into a young child’s ability to read dog body language and accurately judge the dog’s safety. But for now, I suggest we take the same precautions we do to protect small children in traffic and apply them to children and dogs.
There are times and places when playing in the street is fun and safe. There are ages that are better suited to judge that. Until then, as we are waiting for the perfect combination of a safe street and good judgment, we need to manage and guide our children. We need to view the growl from a dog as we would the honk of a horn from a driver letting us know our child is in harm’s way.
Those lovely automatic swings that play music and might even have a mobile dangling above it. This can be scary to your dog, or a great toy.
Portable car seats that will be carried right at many dog’s eye level often have interesting smells in them that can draw a dog in to investigate
All the vibrating, dancing, quacking, and you-name-it toys could frighten your dog or have your dog thinking these are new toys for him or her
The Pack-n-Play is often dismissed as just a piece of furniture, but it vibrates, plays music, and often has lights. This too can be scary for your dog or very tempting.
The baby monitor is also often overlooked. If you use the type that sends the image to your electronic devices, it probably won’t be an issue, but if you use the standard monitor that has the portable unit to transmit sound, don’t forget that to your dog, this can be a box with a baby stuffed into it.
Some dogs will get used to these things on their own and some will fear them and associate that fear with the baby who uses and engages with them. The first option is not great because we want our dogs to love our children, not get used to them. The second is bad because we don’t want our dogs to fear our children.
If you wait to expose your dog to the new gizmos when they are in use with the new baby, you won’t know if your dog is reacting to the gizmo or the baby in it, or both. If, however, you begin exposing your dog to the new gizmos as they come into the house, you will be able to begin the desensitization process. And if you see your dog is scared or leery of an item, you can begin the counter-conditioning process.
Either way, you will be able to ensure that your dog does not have a bad reaction to your child because of a few weird baby gizmos.
Below is an excerpt from Please Don’t Bite the Baby and Please Don’t Chase the Dogs that can help you begin your Ds/CC process
Desensitization and counter-conditioning (ds/CC) refer to making the dog less sensitive around a trigger (desensitization), while also changing her associations and emotions to be more positive about the trigger (counter-conditioning).
The trigger can be anything a dog is unfamiliar with, afraid of, or really excited by. It is not enough for your dog to just see a trigger or be around a trigger to desensitize her. You have to be careful to expose her to the trigger only at the point at which she can tolerate it without reacting—this is called subthreshold. This type of exposure will desensitize her over time. But that may not be enough either if she is already afraid of the trigger—then we have to change her emotions, too, by pairing the subthreshold exposure with a primary rein- forcer that is of high enough value that she and her brain are totally wowed. For some dogs a super-high-value primary reinforcer could be cheese, for others a tennis ball. But it can be anything and every- thing in between as well. Your dog has to tell you what her most valuable primary reinforcer is—and generally your praise will not be enough, though it should definitely be in the mix.
If you are matching the presentation of the primary reinforcer effectively with the trigger, soon your dog will be consciously look- ing forward to the trigger. Then later, through neuroplasticity, her brain will physically change the signals it sends along her neural pathways when the trigger appears. Instead of her “That scares me,” signal, her neurons will be sending the “I love that thing” signal. Later, we can change her behavior when she is near the trigger by asking for a sit or a settle.
Socializing and classical conditioning prevent having to do a lot of desensitizing and counter-conditioning and are done to help the dog avoid developing a negative association with things she is meeting for the first time, as opposed to undoing a negative emotional response already in place. For example, if we take the myriad baby gizmos that your dog may not have seen previously, and introduce her to these things by placing a string of treats on the floor around and leading up to the gizmo, she will likely look at these things and say, “Hum, that’s strange and it seems to come with treats—yeah!” or something to that effect.
If your dog is already fearful, we have to go slowly in terms of taking her closer to the object or extending the length of time she is exposed to it. It is important to allow your dog to move toward and away from the new object, at her discretion. Like all of us, she will feel more comfortable around the scary object when she can control how close she is to it. Patience is essential for this.
Often people recommend flooding—exposing the dog to triggers up close and without regard for the dog’s state of mind, saying, “Just force him and he will see it’s not scary.” Although this may work on rare occasions, the majority of the time the dog will walk away more fearful.
As always, if things are not going well between your dog and your baby, toddler, or even older child, contact a certified trainer, behavior consultant, or behaviorist,:
It’s National Bite Prevention Week and that makes me reflect on why I wrote Please Don’t Bite the Baby, and Please Don’t Chase the Dogs.
I wrote Please Don’t Bite the Baby in the hopes that if every parent with kids and dogs read it, we would see a reduction in the annual 4.5 million dog bites in this country—about half of them to kids and almost 800,000 of them requiring medical attention.
Too often, the response from doctors, family, friends and even trainers is to advise the family to get rid of a biting dog.
Too many dogs who have made a bad choice around a child lose their lives every year or become relinquished to a shelter who then has the daunting task of rehoming a dog with a bite history.
Too much pain and sadness comes from assuming our dogs will react like humans and not understanding that no matter how much we love them, our dogs are dogs with all the ups and downs that goes with that.
We as their caretakers need to accept that any dog can bite.
If we understand our dog’s body language (even a little bit), we will be able see the dog signaling that the situation is building to his break point and then be able to prevent the eventual bite.
If we have trained decent basic skills, we can redirect our dog before a bite occurs.
If we have good management strategies in place, we can keep our dog out of a situation that may be just too much for her.
If we guide both our dogs and our kids as to how best to interact with one another, we can eliminate many of the reasons kids and dogs get into trouble with each other.
I would never recommend that any family keep a dog whom they have become afraid of, or is a danger to them or their guests. However, with a little training, management and guidance we can usually keep our dogs and our kids safe around each other and keep the family we hoped for together and happy.
Many of us have elements in our lives that may be considered dangerous for our children, like heating our home with a fireplace, or having a backyard swimming pool, or, as in our case, having a dog with a bite history living with a young boy (we also have the fireplace). In Please Don’t Bite the Baby, I broach this subject:
People will often scratch their heads in amazement over what dog folk will go through for their dogs, asking, “Is that normal?”
But in everything, including dog ownership, there is no normal.
I thought about other professionals whose work might generate lifestyles that others don’t consider normal or safe. No one balks at police officers who keep their service weapons at home with small children. The officers are taught how to manage their guns by locking the guns and ammunition up separately. It is becoming more and more common for contractors and other tradespeople to sometimes bring their children onto a job site with all the dangers lurking there. Management and training keep these kids safe. As professionals, we accept these risks and realize we, as the parents, have to take steps to keep our children safe around these dangers. The police officer doesn’t quit her job when she has children—she gets a gun safe. The contractor doesn’t get rid of her business when she has to take care of children—she gets a hard hat for her child.
There is no such thing as normal across the board. There is only the individual normal that each of us creates, just as we create our families. In our home normal is a dog who 98 percent of the time is smart, funny, and affectionate but who, during the 2 percent, has to be managed and watched to prevent him from doing harm.
Because I live with a biting dog and a child, I know what levels of management, training and guidance it takes to maintain safety. I also know that although Pinball loves my son and visa versa, my husband and I will always be vigilant no matter how good Pinball is with my son, because all dogs can bite…
No matter who they are
No matter how long it’s been since their last bite, or that they’ve never bitten before
No matter how much we trust them and how much they love us. Because…
They are dogs who interact differently with the world around them and who are very often not listened to when they need help and are warning us in a fearful or stressful situation.
To prevent bites we all need to…
Listen to our dog’s boy language.
Teach both dogs and kids simple things to do around each other like: teaching kids to be a tree and call for help, and teaching our dogs a simple lock-down sit or out-you-go command, and more.
And, never be afraid of managing your dog when having guests or events in your home. Your dog dose not need to be with your guests 100% of the time and will probably be more than happy to go into a separate room with a stuffed puzzle toy and relax when there is a lot of commotion in the home.
We human adults must be the responsible ones. We made the choice to bring a dog into our home. Rarely does a dog come knocking on our door saying, “I did a lot of research online, and yours is the home I want to live in.” We made a commitment to care for the animal we brought into our home and a large part of caring for anyone is making sure that we set them up for success.
Please do yourself, your dog, and any kids in your home a favor and Train your dog, Manage the time and interactions between your dog and younger kids, and Guide them all to the best interactions you can.
Dog training commands should be simple, but can often become complicated and confusing for the dog (and human too).
For example, if one handler uses command “X” to mean one action for their dog, and then another person uses command “Y” for the same action, our dogs are left having to remember which word which person uses for which command, while handlers are left wondering why their dog isn’t understanding and preforming simple commands.
The dog’s internal response is probably the dog version of, “What ‘chu talk’n bout? The other guy uses “X,” you use ‘Y,” and honestly, I’m not sure what either of you mean.”
To make life easier for everyone, dog, handlers, parents, kids, dog-sitters, trainers, etc., it is imperative that everyone in the house use the same command for the same behavior.
The Wait and the Stay commands are often used interchangeably. In a home with low distractions, one dog, and no kids, this is probably not a huge problem. However, when we start layering the distractions like kids, other dogs, many visitors, etc., the difference between Wait and Stay can mean the difference between successful management vs everyone running down the street chasing the fluffy lighten bolt that is their dog.
The definitions of Wait and Stay in standard dog training are:
Stay – Hold position, freeze in place for an undetermined length of time (could be awhile).
The difference is often hard to see at first, but in the dog’s head it is a major difference in difficulty. Wait is something a dog can usually achieve even when they are cranked up by exciting visitors, or stressful situations. However, the Stay is harder to hold depending on how stressed or excited a dog might be.
To understand this in terms we humans experience, we need only look to air travel. We experience differences in difficultly between a short fifteen minute wait to board our airplane, verses the delayed flight that could be hours. One is much harder than the other for different reasons for different people, but in the end, the two different lengths of delay are very different demands on us.
Here are some sample situations where I would use the Wait and Stay commands differently:
– Dog wants to go outside, handler asks for wait before opening the door.
– Aunt Millie is knocking on the door, the dog is given the wait command, then, once Aunt Millie is in, the dog gets the go say hello command (for another blog).
– Baby drops toy, dog is headed to toy, ask dog for a wait, then be prepared to pick up toy before dog gets there, or redirect the dog with a touch command.
– I use stay for some veterinary visits and some grooming like ear cleaning, tooth brushing.
– At street corners, I will ask for a stay. I don’t know how long we will wait for the light, and I do want the dog frozen in place in this situation.
– In elevators, I will ask the dog for a stay, again I don’t know how long this will be and I do want the dog frozen as other people get on and off.
Your dog will learn the difference between these two commands because once you have an understanding of what the commands you are building look like, you will mark and reward the appropriate behaviors when your dog offers you the requested behavior.
In Please Don’t Bite the Baby, I write about the importance of training basic commands. In some ways dog training is like cooking. There are standard staple ingredients that go into complicated recipes and meals, and in dog training, we have standard commands that allow us to manage our dogs.
By using placement skills that essentially mean: come here, go there, don’t move, chill for awhile, greet politely, and others, we can control our dog’s behavior and help our dog understand what is expected in different situations.
Again, like cooking, you really only need to know how to make the things you eat (unless you are a professional). This is also true in dog training. Every household with a dog will require a different set of commands that their dog will need to be able to follow.
“In this excerpt from page 55 of Please Don’t Bite the Baby, I list what I consider to be the standard set of skills every dog should have.
“basic skills to build a foundation for communicating with and verbally managing your dog are critical with a baby in the home.
All done teaches your dog that the game or activity is over. You will need to provide rewards for the first several weeks whenever you say “all done.”
Come should be paid for exceedingly well for the first six months. Jackpot your dog when he gets to you, and when fading rewards, only reduce to intermittent rewards. Your dog should get a reward for come every now and then, forever.
Down: Your dog’s entire body is lying down; butt, hips, and elbows are touching the floor.
Drop it (some use give): Your dog should drop items from her mouth on command. This should be one of the greatest games you ever play with your dog so she loves to give up things.
Go say hello: Your dog will move forward to greet a person without jumping.
Go sniff: You can direct your dog away from anything or any- one, including your baby, with a simple hand gesture.
Leave it: Your dog should not go toward, sniff, pick up, or bark at an object that you indicate. In short, this command means “Don’t even think about it.”
Off: Your dog should get off the counter, the couch, you, your guests, or anything he is on. Do not use down. Human language works having one word mean different things in different contexts, but dogs need each command to have one meaning.￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼
Settle: Your dog should relax on cue in a spot you indicate.
Sit: Your dog’s butt is on the floor. Don’t repeat your command. Sit is the most often repeated command. This repetition teaches dogs to sit on three or four commands or to ignore the command, or it just cranks up their energy.
Stand: Your dog is standing still on all four feet. This command allows you to wipe paws, do tick checks, and make sure your dog doesn’t think sit is just the beginning of down by allowing you to use stand between a sit and a down.
Stay: Your dog is essentially frozen in place. She is at military attention until you release her with the all-done command.
Wait is the equivalent of “hang on a second.” Your dog should literally pause for two to thirty seconds—it is a short break in your dog’s activity.
Over the next several weeks, I will be posting more detailed descriptions and videos of each of these.
If anyone asks me what the dog, baby, and grandparent relationship is like, the answer is, “complicated.”
Let’s say a dog lives with grandparents who babysit for their new granddaughter, but, the dog is not sure about the new interloper, and the grandparents don’t know what to do when their dog barks at the baby.
Or maybe we are talking about a different dog who lives with grandparents who babysit for their new grandson and this dog loves the grandson and always wants to be where the baby is. However, the boy’s parents don’t want the dog around their son.
Or we might have a dog who lives with mother, father and baby, but the grandparents never liked this dog, and now they have to deal with the dog whenever they are visiting and babysitting.
The permutations are endless but, regardless of the makeup of your grandparent-dog-baby relationship, the issue of keeping the baby and dog safe around each other is as important as if it were the parent-dog-baby relationship.
Bandit the rescue dog who flew into the kid-crowded swimming pool his first day in his forever home, gently loved his kids in spite of his wild ways and loved doing his favorite trick on the step stool begging for eggs!
An Excerpt from Please Don’t Bite the Baby:
Two of my favorite clients brought home a rambunctious and mouthy ten-month-old rescued Shepherd mix, and were worried for their grandchildren, who visit often. After I met the dog, I was worried for them and their grandchildren.
He was strong with a hard mouth, and I was bruised more than a few times when working with him. They had great management in place for him—an exercise pen that contained him completely in a gated kitchen. He was slowly given more and more access to the house as his behavior improved and he settled into the home. At first when the kids were visiting he was in maximum containment—in the pen in the gated kitchen.
Months after we started working, I said it was time to introduce him to the grandchildren without physical management, although the grandmother was always with the dog when he was interacting with the kids. By slowly integrating him into this family, he didn’t make any mistakes with the kids and eventually was wonderful around them. In fact, he lights up for the kids as he does for no one else. (They tell me he does the same thing when he sees me, but I bought his love with treats, unlike the kids, whom he just loves.) They have made such wonderful progress with this dog that during the summer when their pool is open, the grandkids and the dog all enjoy swimming and playing fetch with the pool toys. Even so, when the kids are there for extended stays, the grandmother limits their time with the dog to give him a break and is always present whenever the grandkids and dog interact.
I believe we need to remark and reinforce the behaviors that we like whether in training, or in life, like Pinball’s and Indy’s progress together.
In Please Don’t Bite the Baby, I talk about Pinball being sensitive and affectionate, but also being the real accident waiting to happen given his willingness to bite when guarding a resource.
Regardless of Pinball’s issues, I was determined to make his relationship with my son safe and happy not only because of my desire to let Indy have the dog he loved in his life, but also because of my own personal attachment to Pinball.
Being at the shelter the day Pinball was born, and then nursing him through parvovirus, left me feeling a deep responsibility for him. I wanted to help him be the happy-go-lucky safe dog that he was when he was a puppy.
When Indy was younger, he and Pinball spend a lot of time managed or separated because of Pinball’s mercurial nature and the propensity of small children to not always follow directions around dogs.
In Chapter Six of Please Don’t Bite the Baby, I talk about the importance of teaching your kids how to pet a dog because all children who live with or interact regularly with dogs need to learn this skill – the earlier, the better.
“Showing your baby how to pet the dog gently is as important as teaching your dog to be happy about your baby. Younger children will not have enough motor control to pet your dog gently. Consequently, many dogs get hit, pulled, poked, or a combination of all of these instead of the snuggly petting they are used to from adults.
When a young child is petting a dog, an adult needs to be next to and almost between the dog and child in order to guide the child’s hand as he or she tries to pet the dog. I usually keep my hand at or hovering just under Indy’s hand so I can slip my hand between him and Boo instantly if things go wrong.
Petting a dog is a great motor skills exercise for toddlers, but it is not something they can master until they develop more.
Be prepared to be attentive to this petting for a couple of years until you see your child has the appropriate motor control and skills…”
There are more details on teaching children how to pet dogs in my book.
It was a happy day when I could take Indy and Pinball outside and watch them run around the yard, joyful and safe, and an even happier day when Indy reached out to pet Pinball gently and politely.
I know Indy loves Pinball because he says so, and I know Pinball loves Indy because he follows him everywhere he can. And, even with this great affection they have for each other, their time together will still be managed with me nearby, and there will be more hurdles to come, but for today, they are both happy around each other.